Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Hostess with the Mostest!

Dear fellow Christians & others,

I just run across this interview on Brother Chris Davis's blog, Intermission Impossible.  I talked to him back when I was about to preach at the Ostrander Rewards in August.  I know it's out of date, but I still have some important things to say that will be impertinant to your attempt at living a Christian life.  Just be sure to ignore the dates, and don't show up to the Ostrander Rewards on August 30th expecting to hear me preach, because it probably won't be the same date this year!  Anyway, here it is...I know it will be a blessing to you:

Hostess with the Mostest: Three Questions with Ostrander Awards host Sister Myotis
Posted by Chris Davis on Tue, Aug 25, 2009 at 2:13 PM

The Ostrander awards are a notoriously pagan affair that brings the entire Memphis theater community together for the purposes of drinking strong beverages and fornication. This Sunday's ceremony may be a bit less wicked than usual though thanks to the presence of the event's host Sister Myotis, who is gearing up for her Off Broadway debut next summer.

We asked Sister how she came to be associated with such a secular affair. Here's what she had to say.

Intermission Impossible: Did you notice that Jesus was nominated for his work on that play Altar Boyz? That was a nice touch, I thought.

Sister Myotis: I was not aware of this. However, I certainly support His nomination. I’m sure that there other true Christians, like myself, who went to see this show not knowing that it was about Catholics. While I applaud the nomination, I’m sure they’ll find some way to give Mary all the credit.

Intermission Impossible: If you could present an award for Godliest show for 2008-09 what would it be?

Sister Myotis:  I would choose Sweeney Todd at Theatre Memphis. In this show, a barber and his neighbor lady take to cutting the throats of evildoers and cooking them up into meat pies. As a true Christian, I am always in full support of ridding the world of evildoers by smoking them out of their holes and sending them on to meet their Maker-even if cannibalism is required! My only suggestion to the writer of this musical is that, as a true Christian, I would have also enjoyed seeing them waterboarded.

Intermission Impossible:  Now you know that theater people are all sinners. How can you stomach being around them so often?

Sister Myotis:  It is true that when you associate with theater folks, you never know the kind of people that you’ll be dealing with. I have read them Jackie Collins books about showbiz types that will lay with anybody that’ll give them a starring role. As directress of my church’s annual Living Christmas Tree, I have no doubt that at some point during the evening I will be propositioned by someone looking to trade their body in exchange for a featured role. Needless to say, I will carry my stun gun in my purse, and have plenty of pamphlets on hand that deal with the conversion of whores.

The Ostranders is an annual awards ceremony honoring excellence in the Memphis theatre community. This will be the 26th year of the awards and the Master of Ceremonies will be Memphis favorite Sister Myotis.

This year's awards ceremony will take place on Sunday, August 30th, from 6-11pm in Hardin Hall at the Memphis Botanic Garden. There will be cocktails and hors d'oeuvres from 6-7, awards ceremony at 7, followed by an after party with DJ's, dancing, and the announcing of the People's Choice Awards.

Join us on August 30th as we celebrate the work of the talented Memphis theatre community!


I drew a line so you would know where I start talking again.

Because I am commanded to...

Love, Sister Myotis

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Sister Myotis in New York City!
June 11th-July 4th at Abingdon Theatre


Cornelius Austen said...

This is hilarious! Love your work, but did you know that people actually believe that this is for real and not mockery? It´s amazing that such a gaping void exists between people of the same country.

Cornelius Austen said...

I assume that was your goal, but since I see no other comments I wanted to tell you, well done.