Thursday, February 4, 2010

100% Honeybee Approved Music!

Dear fellow Christians & others,

I know that many of you are as concerned about "backward masking" as I am, and worry about this sinister form of brain control that has the ability to take over the minds our young people, forcing them to have sex & take pot! When this technology first come to my attention many years ago, concerned members of the Honeybees Ladies Auxiliary would purchase records that they felt looked particularly devilish, and bring them to the church where Sister Forestine Jenkins (God rest her soul) was able to rig a record player to play backwards, so that we would be able to test records and inform unknowing parents of which records should be burned. Our ladies would sit for hours with a pencil & yellow pad, trying to decipher evil coded messages...some of which still send shivers down my spine. Here are just a few of the wicked messages that we were able to successfully intercept:

"rivet hammer in the day long toward your ding dong all the pan"

"sing in the pencil for tomorrow smoke the bridge"

"take the parents September among orphans do sooth and choke"

What do these commands mean? We still ask ourselves to this day (except for Sister Forestine, who is dead)...but we do take comfort in knowing that the children of our church never had to hear such things! I always encourage parents to keep abreast of the latest technology that may be creeping into your home to turn your children into sex-crazed dopeheads. These days, the devil has gotten smarter...putting music on them little CD things so that we can't play 'em backwards! But I'm proud to say that the church has just diverted over $3 million that was originally meant to feed African orphans, and commissioned a group of engineers to make us a machine that will play them Cd's backwards! We will prevail!

In the meantime, I thought I would share with you parents just a few of the records that the Honeybees Ladies Auxiliary has deemed acceptable for the vulnerable ears of our precious youth! Who knows? Before long, our young folks might forget all about the Lady Gagoo & Taylor Swift, and be tapping their toes to records like these:

Because I am commanded to do so...

Love, Sister Myotis

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