Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Can We Get an Amen, Sister Myotis?

Dear fellow Christians & others,

Here is another interview that I did a few months back, just before the last Memphis run of my hit show, "Sister Myotis's Church Retreat".  This is from a woman named Susan Ellis, who keeps a blog for the Memphis Flyer called "Hungry Memphis".  She asked me a bunch of questions about recipes, and liquor, and the Lord, and such, so I thought it might bring you folks a little encouragement as you struggle to rise above the plague of mediocrity, that is so rampant amongst most people who aren't me.  Please note that although she does mention dates to my hit show, ignore them because my show had done passed.  If you missed it, then I can only hope that you'll find someone else (doubtful) that might set you on a path to Glory!  If you saw it, then I know you were blessed by it!

Again, let me emphatisize that if you show up wanting to see my hit show on the dates listed in this article, you will be disappointed, because I won't be there.  You can start reading now...

Can We Get an Amen, Sister Myotis? 
Posted by Susan Ellis on Fri, Sep 18, 2009 at 8:17 AM

Memphis' thumpiest bible-thumper Sister Myotis is leading her Church Retreat starting Saturday at TheatreSouth. She interrupted her packing to talk to Hungry Memphis.

Hungry Memphis:  You've expressed a fondness for casseroles. What's your favorite?

Sister Myotis:  It's hard to pick a favorite, but if I have to, it's a layered breakfast casserole that Paula Deen taught me how to make: Butter both sides of some Wonder Bread and spread them in the bottom of a dish, cover with a layer of deli-style ham, then some sliced bananas, and another layer of buttered bread. Top with cheddar cheese, chopped bacon, and crumbled up Ruffles. Mix together 2 cups of heavy cream and 4 eggs to pour over the top, then bake it off, and you've got a healthy breakfast with all four food groups!

Hungry Memphis:  We hear church suppers can get competitive. How does the Good Sister stack up?

Sister Myotis:  As always, there are those who try to compete for best covered dish, but we all know that there could be no competition without someone to judge them ... that is really where I "stack up." Some "feel good" churches try to encourage the notion that there are never any losers in life ... but at my church, we want to tell the truth and let people know there are always losers ... and more than likely, they are one. I've even heard some preachers tell a congregation that people are "gifted in different ways," and that they must learn to use their gifts. The truth of the matter is that some people are just not gifted at all. I have come to realize that my God-given gift is the gift of casting judgement.

Hungry Memphis:  Do you have a standard prayer before a meal -- God is good, God is great, etc.? Or do you mix it up?

Sister Myotis:  Well normally, if we are eating at a potluck, the preacher does the prayer for everybody at one time. On a day-to-day basis, for the sake of efficiency, I prefer to pray over all of our groceries when I bring them home from the store. That way, when I cook, I know that everything is "pre-blessed," and I don't have to take time to pray that I could be using for something else. It's a time-saver!

Hungry Memphis:  Gluttony is one of the deadly sins, Sister. What do you have to say for yourself?

Sister Myotis:  It's glandular.

Hungry Memphis:  You'll be bringing back your Church Retreat during the Cooper-Young Festival. It's hosted by Buster's Liquor & Wine. Doesn't drinking go against your religion?

Sister Myotis:  Well, most things go against my religion. But if I followed every little old rule found in the Bible, I'd never again get to eat at Red Lobster, would I? And I just can't imagine that the good Lord doesn't enjoy popcorn shrimp as much as the rest of us. Luckily, the Lord gave us preachers to tell us which of those little Bible rules to follow, and which ones we can ignore! Besides, if Christians were never allowed to be around alcohol, how could we possibly witness to Episcopals?

Sister Myotis's Church Retreat, TheatreSouth (First Congregational Church basement, 1000 S. Cooper) Saturday, September 19th, Friday-Saturday, September 25th-26th, and Friday-Saturday, October 2nd-3rd. Shows are at 8 p.m., and tickets are $20. For tickets, go to http://www.voicesofthesouth.org/ or call 726-0800.

I typed out a line so that you would know that the interview is over and I am talking to you again.

Because I am commanded to...

Love, Sister Myotis

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