Dear fellow Christians & others,
I know that many of you are as concerned about "backward masking" as I am, and worry about this sinister form of brain control that has the ability to take over the minds our young people, forcing them to have sex & take pot! When this technology first come to my attention many years ago, concerned members of the Honeybees Ladies Auxiliary would purchase records that they felt looked particularly devilish, and bring them to the church where Sister Forestine Jenkins (God rest her soul) was able to rig a record player to play backwards, so that we would be able to test records and inform unknowing parents of which records should be burned. Our ladies would sit for hours with a pencil & yellow pad, trying to decipher evil coded messages...some of which still send shivers down my spine. Here are just a few of the wicked messages that we were able to successfully intercept:
"rivet hammer in the day long toward your ding dong all the pan"
"sing in the pencil for tomorrow smoke the bridge"
"take the parents September among orphans do sooth and choke"
What do these commands mean? We still ask ourselves to this day (except for Sister Forestine, who is dead)...but we do take comfort in knowing that the children of our church never had to hear such things! I always encourage parents to keep abreast of the latest technology that may be creeping into your home to turn your children into sex-crazed dopeheads. These days, the devil has gotten smarter...putting music on them little CD things so that we can't play 'em backwards! But I'm proud to say that the church has just diverted over $3 million that was originally meant to feed African orphans, and commissioned a group of engineers to make us a machine that will play them Cd's backwards! We will prevail!
In the meantime, I thought I would share with you parents just a few of the records that the Honeybees Ladies Auxiliary has deemed acceptable for the vulnerable ears of our precious youth! Who knows? Before long, our young folks might forget all about the Lady Gagoo & Taylor Swift, and be tapping their toes to records like these: 
Because I am commanded to do so...
Love, Sister Myotis
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Thursday, February 4, 2010
100% Honeybee Approved Music!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Hallelu!
Dear Fellow Christians & others,
Welcome to my new little chubbyhole here on the interweb. I just can’t tell you what a blessing it is to have this new technology available to people of God for the purposes of ministry. As you sit there at your computer reading this, I have no doubt that you came here today looking for porn or for instructions on how to build a bomb. But friend, today is your lucky day...because you have found a place where the sweet peace of the Lord will literally fly off of your computer screens and sear into your eyeholes. You have found a place where a Godly Christian woman has been able to harness the evil of the interweb, strain it through the colander of righteousness, and then chuck it back at you right through your computer screens.
Here on this blog you’ll find information about me and my work as the backbone of my beloved 80,000 member mega-church, Good Tidings Apostolic Holiness Christian Fellowship of Saints. You’ll also find some information on how you can pay me to come and talk to sinners in your neck of the woods (I prefer not to talk in prisons or adult book stores).
I pray that you will return to my website time & time again for sustenance in difficult times. I pray that as you see me exemplify Holiness, you will want to put down your stick of pot, put your clothes back on, get the tattoo removed, and let your pierced nether regions grow shut.
May the love of the Lord swell up inside you till you near about bust...
